To witness Ron Jeremy have intercourse is to witness a grizzly bear eat a flamingo, or an orphan try to break into a vending machine. He is a manifestation of the grotesque male id, jamming fingers and genitals into every orifice at every opportunity, doing all of these things simultaneously, not making sense, not following some plan, just a man bludgeoning the human body with his sexual impulses. It is like watching a chimpanzee try to open the package of an Xbox controller.
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So, the following is a playlist of songs that have come on inopportunely while I, or people I know, were trying to get sexy. Use this knowledge to clean up your iTunes OR to create the ultimate cockblocking compendium to ruin your flatmate’s life.
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Austrian skydiver Felix Baumgartner fell to Earth from a height of 128,000 feet a few weeks ago, setting three world records. He stepped out of a capsule/balloon floating on the edge of space and fell 24.2 miles to the ground while reaching speeds faster than the speed of sound (833.9mph, Mach 1.24). For four and a half minutes, the world held its breath as a little white dot on the screen was free falling through the atmosphere.
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“Everybody watches porn, right? And from time to time, you come across a video that suddenly makes you laugh out loud with your dick or pussy in your hand. I had the best lol-moments with indifferent cats in amateur porn. I searched the web intensively but I couldn’t find anything similar, so here it is.”
Indifferent Cats In Amateur Porn
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Photos of tits and phones by Richard Kern.
See the rest: Tits and Phones
