Robert Sylvester Kelly has written a book, everyone.

The creator of everyone’s favorite hip-hopera, oft-topless legend of 90s R&B and retired Star Wars-themed stripper (more on that later) invites you to take a trip to the theme park that is R. Kelly’s past. GIT ON THE SOULACOASTER, y’all.

Actually, here is the thing: you might not want to “git on the soulacoaster,” because Soulacoaster: The Diary of Me is 366 pages long. Which is too long. That is double the length of The Great Gatsby (and F. Scott Fitzgerald, Kelly ain’t).

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