A few weeks ago, a San Francisco truck driver named Byron Duane Bates (pictured above, left) got in a bit of trouble for stealing $10,000 worth of fish that he was meant to be delivering as part of his job, and exchanging it for $400 worth of crack cocaine.
Inspired, I decided to call up some UK drug dealers, to see if I could strike some similar deals. After going through some friends’ phones and gathering some numbers (because I’m not stupid enough to fuck things up with my own dealer, duh), I gave them a call, telling them that “my friend Steve” had given me their number.
The first ten or so drug dealers I called were more interested in repeatedly asking why I was calling from a private number, and grilling me on who Steve was. So, eventually, I had to hang up on them. Why so paranoid, drug dealers? Jeez.