Just outside your peripheral vision since the moment you were born, a 15% smaller version of yourself has been following you. Its job is to improve your cognitive functions while staying hidden. Your body’s relationship to Smaller You is similar to its symbiotic relationship with intestinal bacteria, except Smaller You feeds on thoughts instead of tacos. When you see something out of the corner of your eye and look and no one is there, you’re actually seeing your Smaller You malfunction, and as a consequence, Bigger You will forget something important. Misheard text-message noises are actual texts from Smaller You. Big Foot is actually Hitler’s Smaller Hitler who became so out of control he abandoned him and ran into the woods.